Many of you have asked about my race in Tahoe – at IM Lake Tahoe.  Its been over 2 weeks and I always tell my athletes that they should create some space from the emotions of the race before writing up their race reports.  These can either be crazy high emotions (signing up right away for more IM’s) – or some serious lows (beating themselves up about the race or the DNF etc.).  Returning to our daily lives, the routine, our family, work and the void we left by training for this IM often helps give us a better perspective on looking back on a very meaningful & powerful day for most of us.

I have been coaching triathlon for 14 years.  I really enjoy coaching the lessons that this sport carries with it.  The incredible sacrifices of time in order to train.  Discipline to get the training done.  Communication and balance to have family, friends and loved ones still support you but also carry the slack in that void you created.  I could go on and on with this list, because it remains very current with me.  I respect the work my athletes do so much, the time they find to train, the kids activities they still attend, the families they still nurture and the jobs they still carry – travel – responsibility; today most are so overworked, overstressed – adding this sport into that mix can make this stress even worse.  I hope though in some ways this sport makes it easier for you…that exhale, the invigorating rides, that beautiful run leaving you feeling like you can run forever, that swim where you finally feel some synch with your stroke…all this hopefully allows you to be a better father, co worker, leader, husband, boss or friend.  That time to yourself, that journey ventured, that challenge of a training session accepted.

All of this no longer applies to me – and I have been recognizing this in my training.  As many of you say, its less about the race, its about the journey to the race.  Well, if you didn’t have that journey, would you enjoy the race the same way?  Would you even race?  If Ironman were not about sacrifice, would you still do it?  If there were not physical or mental aspects to overcome – would Ironman still be as appealing?  Unfortunately that is what has come to my attention this summer.

I no longer need to sacrifice time to train; I no longer have anybody I need to balance this sport with.  My work does not cause stress; actually much of the training for an IM is partially my work.  I observe and apply a lot of the concepts of my coaching while out training.  Physically there is little in the training that challenges me, nor am I really looking to take things to the ‘next’ level since I have already been there – not only in this sport, but another sport.  Mentally the challenges of race day are no longer a mystery, the mind games to get through a race are no longer working.  I know what to train, I know how to feel prior to a race, I know what numbers or pace or times I need to see in order to have a solid day.  The fire within to do well is no longer burning as hot, I have flipped the switch in the wrong way:  I understand that life on the other side of these races goes on, that your result has nothing to do with that life, and that Ironman is just another athletic event.  Sure, the congratulatory emails ‘feel’ good, but they are not what impacts your day to day once back into that rhythm of life on the other side of an Ironman day.

I said the other day that I knew Ironman was not going to be the right place for me as I go through divorce.  Many people have used this event as a getaway, something to fill your time with, escape, an outlet to channel emotions from the every day punch in the gut that divorce is – For me this escape was not going to be applicable – since it was already what I did as a partial profession the past years:  some may argue that Triathlon is what drives divorce – this sport is so ‘selfish” and requires such a commitment.  I vehemently disagree, but that is a different topic.

Yes – I have been injured – and I had already worked my mind around not racing IM Lake Tahoe back in late July when visiting some close friends.  I could not get into what was causing my injury, and re-engaging into running left me timid.  But with some help from physical therapists and some rest (all of July) I was gradually getting better – and while it was still showing up occasionally – it was better – it was good enough for 26.2, most likely with some pain or suffering the last 6-10 miles.  But IM marathons always have some pain and suffering.

So what happened?  In my swimming days we used to say “my performance is a perfect mirror of my self image” – We used this statement back then for positive affirmation – to create a mental link between positive self image and performance.  I have come to realize it is a key ingredient in any athletic performance – good or bad.

I started taking IM racing – actually, all racing – for granted.  I figured I could just ‘do’ an IM, just ‘participate’ and be fine – have a good enough result that I can feel decent about.  I actually already felt this at IM Los Cabos this past March: decent.  But decent is not enough to enjoy this sport.  Decent actually leaves you feeling empty, quite unsatisfied.  And it surely doesn’t motivate you to train – properly – progressively.  No – just participating is not good enough.  I have been incredibly fortunate that my talent has allowed me to do quite well at IM Triathlon.  But this past 18 months also showed me everything I am trying to teach my kids:  resting your accolades on talent alone is not good enough, nor very rewarding.  Combine talent with hard work, focus and discipline; that leads to world-class results. Every – EVERY sport is littered with talented athletes that could not handle the hard work & discipline needed to bring that world-class talent up to a world class, elite level.   And here I am – doing exactly that.  Sure – many can argue:  why?  You have done plenty – you have nothing left to prove.  I am 43 years old, single dad with two awesome kids.  I have totally deserved to just participate, to enjoy all the years of focused training and soak up the pure fun of endurance racing.  THAT is exactly the excuse that creates this internal dilemma: if I was looking to prove anything (!), then I was in sports for the wrong reason anyways.  Athletics are not to prove anything (and a bigger topic on what is wrong with athletics and all sport these days) – it’s about personal excellence, an internal belief system of commitment, follow-through and to ALWAYS do your best.  And there is what happened:  IM Lake Tahoe I did not do my best.  I did not prepare like that, I did not race like that.  I did not have the mind set for excellence.  I went through the motions thinking that the finish line will be rewarding enough.  I believe that is why I truly DNF’ed: because I realized on the course that this approach is not good enough.  That going through the motions is not good enough.  That accepting a decent, mediocre performance is not worth a finish, a result. No excuses, finishing an Ironman is about more than I was doing.

It was a mirror of my current self-image: decent, average, not doing my best.  Good enough to not be disappointed, not good enough to be happy.

Therefore it is time to challenge myself into a new avenue of this sport.  It’s time to give back, to race for a bigger cause, something I am not personally accountable for, but instead representing for either those that can’t, or raising awareness for those that can!  I have some ideas for this; have been speaking to some of you how this might unfold.

Health, fitness and the privilege of doing these events are something to be thankful for.  The training, the time, the ability, and the financial flexibility: all of it is not something to be taken for granted.  In my years of coaching I have come across plenty of athletes that just want to see what a marathon or Iron distance triathlon is like.  Once they finish, they check that box of completion and move on.  But then there are those that stick to this sport and see the lifestyle it creates.  Health, fitness, spiritual balance and mental strength that permeates throughout our daily lives.  And yes – this lifestyle is a very sharp blade:  take it too serious and it cuts through every aspect of your life, leaving you with nothing but yourself.  Take it too lightly and the fulfillment of this lifestyle gently dulls.

How do I sharpen my blade again?  It comes with an understanding that it cannot be taken for granted, not for me as an individual, and surely not for a greater purpose, cause, support group.  Its time to challenge my own process and to work toward a shared vision, not just my own.

Willpower, discipline and resolve are about mastering the tension of not getting what you want in the moment….